Freedom Part II.

In my last post I spoke of how I feel about my loss of freedom, with RA. It was depressing as I was feeling down, to say the least. Yes, much has been taken away from me.

Then, there is my mind. In my mind, I travel to strange lands and have the most wonderful adventures. My legs are strong and I stride over hills, down valleys. I lie next to rippling a brook and place my hand in the cool water. I look up at grapes hanging above and reach out one of my straight arms and twist off a succulent, sweet bunch. The juice drips from my mouth as I savour the sweetness. I walk down a cobbled street in Edinburgh and walk into a cafe. It is cold outside and I cup my latte with both hands. I watch the people passing outside with quiet happiness. All in my mind.

So fly in your mind even if you can only hobble with your body.

Freedom Part I.

I was watching a television show earlier and I suddenly felt this terrible sadness. I did not understand the reason for awhile. Then it struck me. I have lost so much of my freedom.

I can't dance like I want to, like I used to love to dance. I can't roll around with my dogs as I used to. I can't even get down to the floor even if my neck could take the roughhousing. I can't go out to my beautiful garden and plant organic vegetables. I can't read a book for too long anymore as my neck hurts and my arms hurt. I can't just take the car and drive to a Starbucks gor a latte. I can't go on holidays.

I need help for many things I do now. I cannot understand. I was stronger and more independent a little more than three years ago. I could walk to the shops across from my office alone, I could drive, albeit with pain. I exercise now, more than I ever did. What has happened.

I mourn this great loss. Today I feel this loss so much. Rheumatoid Arthritis, you have taken so much from me.

Mikey.

Mikey is my toy poodle. My daughter and I share his attentions. He is lying on the floor next to me while I type. Every time I get up from my chair, he gets up too, looking at me with anticipation. Poor thing, he wants to go to bed but he wont until I do.

You only get this kind of loyalty from a dog. A dog has the patience to sit and listen to you without any shore of boredom or irritation. How many times can you talk about your pain to a human being, even a family member, before eyes glaze over or that person starts feeling uncomfortable.

A dog knows no boundaries when it comes to his love for you. Mikey is prepared to wait all night if need be for me, to decide to go and sleep.

When I stumble, and I do that often, I curse and grumble at Mikey. He just looks at me and wags his tail. He knows I am not really blaming him. He is like Mary's little lamb who followed her everywhere. Mikey does that too and he looks like a little lamb.

So, if you have chronic pain like I do and need someone to show their care all the time, get a dog. I have three.

Mikey.

In the Heat of the Day and the Night.

Its been so, so warm these last two days and nights. Well its crazy hot in that it makes me crazy!

I am writing this before I bring in the two monsters a.k.a my german shepherd and my bull terrier mix. It's bad enough trying to manage two hyper dogs with RA and then having to do it in this heat. I have the RA not the dogs, if you are confused. Do you know dogs can have RA?

The air conditioning unit in the spare room (where my computers are) is blasting out cool air. Doesn't feel very cold to me. Is it the drugs? It really is uncomfortably hot. The animals are uncomfortable too, poor things.

If I could I would jump into my car and drive somewhere and have a cold cold drink. I can't can I? Another one to be added to my list of what I can't do.

I am not feeling sorry for myself. Just the heat.

Meditation and Sleep.

I have thought about doing meditation and I have been advised to do meditation.

When I first thought about it and then thereafter, it was about pain control and management. I have not yet achieved any pain management with meditation but there has been a pleasant "side effect" of my efforts.

I sleep better. Hurrah! Those with RA, chronic pain will understand how I feel. You do not sleep well when you have pain. With RA you need to move often and your body wakes to do so. Its more than that. Its the leg spasms, the pain, the anxiety about the morning. Sleeping is a problem, waking and moving is the bigger problem. You need to push yourself up and get to the bathroom, brush your teeth, then...and then.... Sometimes I think its easier not to go to bed.

However, with the some rest I am getting, things are that much more manageable. A little goes a long way for me and those like me.

I say my prayers and then I meditate for just a very few minutes before bed. Try it. Go on the internet and read about the techniques. If you are religious use the name of Jesus if you are Christian or a name of God as a mantra or focus word. Even a minute's meditation will help.

I pray that your efforts at meditation will help you as it helps me.

Stress.

Stress is bad for everyone. Stress is not recommended for those with RA or other autoimmune diseases, to put it mildly. If you suffer stress, you suffer more pain. Whether it is really increased pain or just a perception of increased pain, you still suffer.

Don't forget those flare ups. Stress can cause them. You can be caught in a vicious circle, - stress - flare up - pain - stress.

You have to fight stress. I do every day. It is my enemy and I treat it so. Try deep breathing and other relaxation methods. Meditate, even if only for 2 minutes a time.

Let go. Let go of things that cause you stress , let go of people who cause you stress, and let go of hate. Hate eats into you.

When you have RA or other chronic diseases, there are so many limitations forced on you. Pain is your constant companion. You come to realise what is and is not important in life.

Do not waste your time and energy on those who do not care or who do not try to understand. You need it for yourself. Take back your life. Get rid of that unwanted stress.